MET Failures

Marion Cotillard
Oh god Marion. This is just too much. It's too old and it's too much. Cut off everything from the breasts up and it would be fine. You look like Liza Minelli.

Malin Akerman
I just don't get it. What part of her thinks this dress looks good? It's just awful. What is that print? Geometric prints on a long dress hardly ever work. Don't make me regret liking you Malin, please don't.

Jennifer Lopez
I knew she would blow it. It's J.Lo, she has to bring the tacky in somewhere. She was doing so good but then this mess happens. The thing is, if it didn't look exactly like the Marchesa dress already worn by Dita von Teese it would be a different situation, but it does, it looks exactly like it. Let's not even get started on the hair either...

January Jones
When I hear January was going to be wearing YSL I was so excited. Since you all know I love the fall collection I was just picturing in my mind the kind of greatness that would come, but no. They give me a stained glass window from the 80's. I still can't believe this is the same girl who I said had the best dress of 2009. Figure your shit out January, please.

Janet Jackson
What was she thinking? Since everyone in the free world has seen her boobs anyways she might as well let them out? Lanvin is sacred! First of all I can't believe Alber dressed her. His girls are girls like Natalie Portman, classy, educated serious women. Janet Jackson may be an icon, but she is not Natalie Portman, that's like comparing an apple to an orange.

Eva Mendes
This looks like Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce just tore up an old couch from 1984 and had Eva stand there and they just ran around her wrapping her up like a mummy. It's just bad and 80's. She looks like an extra from Dynasty.

Christina Hendricks
I want to like Christina Hendricks, everyone does. She's the token girl who eats! We love her because she is what Hollywood deems a real woman (while the actual "real women" of America look nothing like her). However, her red carpet style is just god awful. I do not want to see your tits. I'm sorry, but we've all seen them before, and yes, they are great, but it's getting old. Her boobs were out so much in some of the close ups you can see her nipple covers peeking out of the top. Also, did a clump of her hair fall onto her shoulder? What is that thing?

Carey Mulligan
Oh god Carey. You are one of my favorites. You get fashion, you understand what fashion is! This is not ok. Look at Chloë, that is how you do lace and look cool. This Carey, is how you look so underdressed and awkward. We know you can do big events and look amazing! This is the fashion Oscars, your time to do whatever high fashion thing you want. This is just lazy.

Blake Lively
This is the whole Christina Hendricks argument but in reverse. Yes Blake, you have great legs. Your 5'9 and your legs are longer than Nicole Richie standing on Mary Kate Olsen's shoulers. That doesn't mean that can only wear skirts cut up to your crotch. Also, that dress looks like something from an Avatar themed Christmas party. It just looks like Christmas tree garland to me.

Kristen Stewart
Ok, first off what the hell is she doing at the MET Gala? Second, why the hell is she a guest of Chanel? Seriously Karl? Really? Also, what the hell is up with this look. She is not glamorous, she is awkward and "edgy". Don't even get me started on her, we'll just focus on this look. This look reminds me of my 70 year old great aunt who thinks she is 25 and hot. An old cougar who thinks she is classy. Also, yet again, her hair and makeup make her look like a midwestern lesbian in a bad made for t.v. movie (when in all reality, midwestern lesbians know better than to do their hair and makeup like that).

Elizabeth Banks
Congrats Elizabeth Banks, the minute I saw your pictures pop up the night of the gala I knew you would be the worst dressed.
  1. This outfit would be ok in one scenario and one scenario only, which is a magazine editorial.
  2. The excessive use of eyeliner only on the lids of her eyes, it looks cheap as hell.
  3. The dress could be pulled off by two people; Diane Kruger and Sienna Miller and even they would have a hell of a time making it look good. You, Elizabeth Banks, are not either one of those women, nor will you ever be.
  4. Those tights should have never left Taylor Momsen's reject pile.
  5. Those shoes are cheap and plastic looking
  6. I can see your bright red pedicure through the tights.

1 comment:

  1. you sucks and stupid, ugliest description, you are less than nothing.